Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story
by Flower of Paper
Summary: Summer vacation, just after graduation. Let's take a peek behind the scenes of Azumanga Daioh, shall we? Pairings: various. Warnings: fancrack, some OOC. Hopefully it's funny anyway.
1. Part I

**Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story**  
_ Parody of "Love Hina: The Real Story", by "bluezone777"_

_Disclaimer:_ Azumanga Daioh is the property of Azuma Kiyohiko.

Announcer: Hello, and welcome to our special "Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story". Joining us today is most of the cast of Azumanga Daioh, with the exception of Kaorin, who I understand had a prior commitment.

(The door bangs open and Kaorin stalks in.)

Kaorin: That's a load of crap and you know it! No prior commitment could keep me away from Sakaki-san!

Tomo: How 'bout a commitment to the mental hospital?

Kaorin: What was that, stranger from another class?

Tomo: Damn you! You stole my line!

Announcer: I forgot to mention that this is summer vacation just after graduation. Just in case anybody cares.

Kagura: YEAH! Summer! (turns to Sakaki) You and me, Sakaki, I challenge you to every contest that every festival has to offer!

Announcer: Now, I'm sure the first question on everybody's mind is, did you ladies pair up after the show?

Tomo: Hell yeah! Me and Sakaki, Yomi and Osaka, Chiyo-suke and Kagura!

Kaorin: You and Sakaki-san? Dream on.

Sakaki: She's right. Those _are_ fancrack pairings. Actually, none of us has _officially_ paired off yet, though I'm sure we all have our hopes and dreams... (discreetly glances at Yomi)

Tomo: Yeah, I just made those up off the top of my head.

Announcer: Osaka, do you actually space out all the time, or was that just your onstage persona?

Osaka: Nah, I actually do space out, strangely enough. Hey, I been thinkin' about black holes lately...

Tomo: ...speaking of emptiness...OW! Kagura, what was that for?

Announcer: Next question. Kaorin, a lot of people see you as a whiny obsessive brat 'cause you follow Sakaki around but never actually talk to her. Can you comment on such a reputation?

Kaorin: Actually, yes. The reason I wanted to talk to Sakaki-san all these years—

Kagura: —Wow, she's actually talking _without_ freaking out—

Kaorin: —was to return the wallet she lost!

(Kaorin produces a wallet from her skirt pocket. Everybody except Kaorin facefaults and/or sweatdrops.)

Kagura: You spent three years trying to tell her _that_?

Sakaki: I...I...

Kaorin: Yes, Sakaki-san, I love you too!

Sakaki: No, actually, I...don't have a wallet.

Kaorin: You _what_?

(Sakaki unzips one of Chiyo-chan's pigtails, which is a) fake and b) a small wallet.)

Osaka: Kyaa! There _was_ somethin' weird about those things! I knew it!

Chiyo-chan: Sakaki really likes these little wallet-pigtails. Especially when I wear them, 'cause I'm like a little sister to her. Hee hee! (niko-niko)

(Sakaki zips the wallet-pigtail closed.)

Kaorin: (blanches) Well then...whose wallet...

(Yukari stomps through the door.)

Yukari: Dammit, I can't find my wallet _any_where! (catches sight of the wallet in Kaorin's hand) My wallet! _You're_ the wench who stole it!

(Kaorin freaks out and runs off the set, chased by a chalk-wielding Yukari.)

Yukari: (runs off set, voice fades out) Get back here, you little brat! You _will_ be punished for this!

Tomo: (muttering) I wish _I_ got punished, every night...

(Tomo treats herself to a brief mental image of Yomi, equipped with thigh-high leather boots, a whip, and not much else.)

Announcer: Well that was chaotic. What do you say we play a little word association?

Kagura: Do your best, Osaka-chan. (gives Osaka a kiss on the cheek)

Osaka: (blushing) Okay. Ready, announcer-san.

Announcer: Let's see..."wardrobe malfunction".

Tomo: Ooh! Me me me!

Announcer: Okay, Tomo?

Tomo: Speedos!

(Everybody sweatdrops. And then laughs.)

Announcer: Sorry to cut this short, but we've run out of time for this segment. Be sure to check out Part II: Deleted Scenes, for some footage that didn't quite make it on air! Ja ne!


	2. Part II: Deleted Scenes

**Azumanga Daioh: The Real Story**  
_Parody of "Love Hina: The Real Story", by "bluezone777"_

Part II: Deleted Scenes

Osaka: Hi, I'm Kasuga Ayumu, otherwise known as Osaka, and I'll be hosting the _Deleted Scenes_ portion of this show. And of course, I'll be joined by my lovable bonkura friends.

Everybody: Don't call us bonkuras, Osaka!

* * *

Osaka: Anyway, on with the scenes. This first scene was a fun one. This is the one where I got tired of being called Osaka... 

**SCENE 1** _"Haruhi?"_

Osaka: Tomo, "Osaka" is a stupid nickname and we both know it!

Tomo: At least I didn't name you Kasuga Haruhi. (The names Kasuga and Haruhi are both written with the characters meaning _spring day_.)

Osaka: ...true.

Tomo: Or better yet, Suzumiya Haruhi. No, wait, I think that'd be better suited to me.

Yomi: You and Suzumiya-san are both crazy, that's for sure.

Tomo: And if I was Suzumiya-san, I'd shake the world! Well, actually, I'd provide the world and Yomi would provide the shaking!

(Yomi cracks her knuckles.)

Tomo: Uh-oh. This time I have the feeling I _am_ gonna get punished...in a way I'm not gonna like...aww crap.

* * *

Osaka: In this next scene, we all find out—once again—that I really gotta watch what I say... 

**SCENE 2** _"Diabetes"_

Osaka: Man, I love bread.

Yomi: You know, you're gonna get diabetes from eating too much bread.

Osaka: _What??_ Why?

Yomi: Well, bread _does_ have sugar in it. And you know "diabetes" is written with the characters for _sugar-urine-illness_, so...

(Osaka blanks out for a few seconds, then returns to us.)

Osaka: Y'know how people gotta test their sugar levels every day if they've got diabetes?

Yomi: I really don't think I'm gonna like where this is going, but yes.

Osaka: If that means I gotta test my sugar level by tastin' my own pee ta see if it's sugary sweet——_Ew!_ Aw man! Yomi, I don't _wanna_ get no diabetes!

Yomi: Remind me again who said "a little learning is a dangerous thing"...

* * *

Osaka: And to wrap up this segment, here's a scene where we learn a few new things about our friends. Ahh, love... 

**SCENE 3** _"Fat Chicks"_

Sakaki: Yomi, you really shouldn't have been so worried about your weight throughout high school. I've always thought you looked very...mature.

Yomi: Really? (blushes)

Tomo: (hyper) Yomi-chan, why are you getting so blushy? Ooh, I know a secret about Sakaki! Sakaki likes Yomi!

Kagura: And that's keeping it a secret _how_?

Sakaki: (turns pink) Well...ah...I mean...

Tomo (still hyper) Sakaki likes Yomi 'cause Yomi's _fat_ and Sakaki likes _fat_ chicks! Hell yes! Yomi's mine, Sakaki, but you _do_ have good taste!

Sakaki and Yomi: (simultaneously) Excuse me?!

Tomo (yep, still hyper) Sakaki, you're my rival! I will fight you, for Yomi-chan's heart! GO, TOMO-CHAN!

Sakaki: (sighs) I have too many rivals.


End file.
